It's been so long since I've brain dumped something. 
I've been coming here irregularly to loose up my emotions, I've been in constant fight with my husband. 
Even though I realise it's not something critical, it always pisses me off. 
I mean - if we can't see each other and meet each other's opinion then why are we a married couple? That's what I thought. 

Now I am still trying to get through this. I know that it's going to take a long time. But how long? No one knows. It might be eternity.

Anyway, I feel like the feelings and thoughts I regularly feel are not present anymore. 
The richness of all kinds of varieties of emotions. Sudden thought and long train of thoughts. 

I feel like I can only consume because I've been working like a robot where I couldn't actually feed myself something inspiring and sparks joy. 
I finish work exhausted and I can only consume things, low effort ones. 
It's the job that's exhausting me. 
As a result, I don't have time left, I couldn't read books, write blogs, or create videos... 
i feel like I'm numb now. 昔自信があった技術でも今はない。それは作文です。


I used to think I'm pretty good at writing unless the writing is for something I do not value. 
But even now I seek chatGPT to help me write. I ask it so much it feels like the ai does a great deal more than what I actually do. I hatie it actually...

But I think this is the only tool I can use AI for. For now. 

--

and one thing I don't like about me is that I get sleepy so easily! It's like I'm a dozin g up create but not a natural human. Even when I'm doing what I like now ii.e. writing, I get sleepy!!
I hate it so much huhu

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